The first woman to be inaugurated as President of the United States officially stepped down after just days in office because she was unable to effectively carry and protect the keys to our nation. “I was told not to carry a purse, that it would be a security risk,” she told interviewers. “Which is understandable, you know? It’s a lot easier to steal from a purse than from someone’s pocket. And with such crucial items as these, the consequences of theft would be devastating.” However, she found that the keys and important access cards she needed did not fit in her pants pockets. After a fruitless search for a pair with bigger pockets, she was forced to resign to ensure the security of the nation. Her successor, Vice President John Doe, seemed relieved the former president came to her senses, noting the Presidency is “not a small-pocket job.”

-This is a satire assignment done in Mrs. Wilcox’s AP Language and Composition class.